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The Struggle of the Juggle
by Ivy Hall, Co-Founder of Initials, Inc.
I am thrilled to have the opportunity to connect with other moms through an outreach like StruggleoftheJuggle.com. It started with an understanding of where we as women are and the desire to come together and put perspective on these formative and critical years. For me, it began with the understanding that Motherhood is the toughest and most rewarding job out there. My day, like yours, has begun with the argument over eating the blueberry Pop tart on the cream colored carpet, discussing why "wiping" is important and figuring out how to remove 3 day old banana from the bottom of a backpack. Juggling encompasses my day too. In fact, I told my husband that I felt a little hypocritical speaking on the topic since it was still such a large part of my day. He said it didn't make me hypocritical…just qualified.
I am a sister Juggler myself. I have a 5 year old very busy (and daring) little boy and a 7 year old girly girl who loves everything from purses to lip gloss. I am married to an incredible man who is very supportive but also has a job that requires him to travel and I am a partner in Initials, Inc. a national direct sales company that is seeing tremendous growth…I am walking a mile in your shoes and I know first hand about the Struggle of the Juggle. It is my life too.
My desire is that as a qualified juggler, I can share a fresh perspective on learning from our mistakes, realizing that there is opportunity in this season of life AND when all else fails, encouragement to laugh at what we cannot change. And let's be honest…motherhood is filled with humor.
When I first addressed this topic, I was speaking to several MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups. At that time, their theme was Adventures in Motherhood. As part of the discussion, I looked up the word "Adventure". I have to share this because it made me laugh out loud. The Dictionary defines the word Adventure as;
- An exciting or very unusual experience
- A bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.
As a mother I can relate…we've all had Motherhood Moments that would fall into that definition. My worst came on a Tuesday. It was the end of a busy day. At that time my children were 1 and 3 years old. My husband was still in his commute from work. I had dinner on the stove. I decided to put the kids in the tub to get a jump start on the evening. (Remember the definition of Adventure…"hazardous action of uncertain outcome" AKA – bath time!) I thought I was ahead of the game….I was COOKING a meal and would have the kids bathed by the time the hubby got home from work. I was feeling good….A little Martha Stuartish if you will. Little did I know what was headed my way. With my kiddos being small, I was able to bathe them together then. We went through our normal pre-bath ritual of undressing and my daughter going to the bathroom. She "tinkled", wiped and jumped right in the tub, failing to flush. I put my son in the tub eager to get them through the bath. I bathed him first and set him out of the tub, drying him off. I then turned and began bathing my daughter and heard him begin to gag behind me. I turned and to my dismay…he had EATTEN the used Toilet Paper out of the toilet. It made him nauseous and he turned and threw up in the tub where my daughter sat. So there I was….a son that had eaten used TP and was throwing up and a daughter that was sitting in it! Where do you even start? To make matters worse, while I was cleaning it all up, our dinner burned. When I finally reached the end of my rope, my husband walked in the door and said "Hi Guys, I'm home…how is everybody?" The look I must have given him…he knew immediately that he had walked into a hornet's nest! What a day!
So I tell that story to say, we've all been there. We work hard but no amount of planning can prepare you for the curve balls we so often get as Moms.
I am excited to connect with you today. The Struggle of the Juggle is near and dear to my heart. You see, Motherhood is the greatest of opportunities. It is truly a mission field.
In my job, I am always excited and honored to speak on the topic of Opportunity. I feel as mothers we have the greatest jobs in the world. Did you know that it has been proven that the decisions you make for your family can impact future generations up to 6 deep? The choices you are making right now for your family can affect loved ones you will never meet. What a selfless gift…what pressure! When I first heard this, I thought that was just another fruity statistic. But after further thought…I realized that I had experienced this first hand. Have you?
My story begins with my grandmother. She was born to a lady that frankly was not a very good person. She decided she didn't want to be a mother and chose to abandon my grandmother (who was 3) along with her 1 year old brother and 3 month old baby brother in a park bathroom. It is estimated that they were there for quite some time before being found. When found, they were put into foster care. The younger two were adopted immediately, my grandmother was not. She was a feisty three year old who had to fight to protect herself and her siblings. When they were gone, she became sad and ill. The adoption agency went to the family that adopted her oldest brother and begged them to adopt her for fear of what life had in store. The adoptive mother's sister, "Molsey Brinson" took my grandmother. She had no other children, she didn't know how to be a mother but she loved my grandmother with all of her heart.
I want to tell you a little about Molsey Brinson. She was a woman of God. She didn't have much, in fact, no earthly wealth to even mention. She had more to complain about then be happy…but she chose to be filled with Joy. She loved the Lord and chose to live happy. Her willingness to take in my Grandmother and love her, lead her to Christ was her life- long commitment. She showed her how to be a Godly woman, wife and mother. This was her legacy. I never knew Mrs. Brinson, never met her, but because of the choices she made through Motherhood, no doubt it has contributed to me growing up in a stable Christian home. So, five generations later, when my husband and I welcomed our daughter into the world, we named her Brinson; In a small way to acknowledge and celebrate her unselfish love (and because Molsey simply was out of the question!)
Now, this is an extreme case, most of us will not be faced with issues of this magnitude, but some of you may. What I want to encourage you to know is that you have the opportunity through motherhood to make a difference; not only for the little ones that you will love and hold, but also those that you will never meet.
WOW, that is a big charge. When you wake up in the morning and look at motherhood through those glasses as opposed to just keeping up with the laundry or getting through the grocery shopping trip before your child finishes the free bakery cookie it changes your perspective. In fact, it is a little overwhelming isn't it?
So what are some things that we as women and mothers can do to impact our homes and future generations? There are countless opportunities, but for today, I want to touch on just three; Prayer, Preparation and Perspective.
First, there is no greater thing that we can do than to bathe our families in prayer. It is our direct connection to God. I want to encourage you to pray for your husband, pray for your children, pray for your children's mates and those generations you will never know on this earth. James 5:13 says "Is anyone of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone Happy? Let him sing songs of praise." Then it goes on to say… "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." So scripture is very clear that whether things are good or bad…he wants us to go to him with prayer. I encourage you to commit your family to earnest prayer. It will change your day and your focus.
Second is preparation. God has blessings that he wants us to receive. As Christian parents, we have to prepare our homes to accept the great things that he has in store for us. Many years ago, at my home church, I had the privilege of hearing Truitt Cathy, founder of Chic-fil-a speak. I walked away with many "golden nuggets" of information but one of the biggest was his reply on what he attributed his success to. I can remember even as a young girl wanting to hear what his reply was going to be. He simply answered, "I looked around and saw the mistakes that others made and figured, if I started out by not doing what I knew didn't work, then I would be ahead of the game." He went on to say, "Don't get me wrong…I made mistakes…they just were new ones." There is so much wisdom in that statement. We will make mistakes as wives and mothers, but let's commit to make new ones, let's not invest our time and energy in things we know don't work. The first thing that we must commit to is getting our homes financially sound. With the state of today's economy I feel led to talk about this. I want to encourage you to live debt free. Debt is something we know doesn't work. How many people have you heard say, I sure am glad I have debt! I'll be no one.
Did you know;
- Financial reasons are the primary reason that couples site as the beginning of the end of their marriages. It is the most fought about topic in the home.
- The average American family carries $17,000+ in credit card debt.
- As you may know, Men are still considered the "bread winners" in our society, but did you realize that women account for roughly 80% of spending? Ladies, more men still may be bringing home the bacon…but we are the ones spending it!
So what role can we play as Christian women in removing the number one reason for Divorce and arguments from our home? And, what blessings are we missing by being harnessed with debt?
I want to share with you my personal story. I met my husband April of 2000. It was a whirlwind. He was prayed for and God delivered! He has my heart and he was everything I was looking for in a husband and a mate. We met in April, dated long distance and married only 7 months later in October of 2000. I was 27 and he was 31. Because it was such a whirlwind, when the dust settled and the honeymoon was over, we sat down and began to figure out our finances. Stacy had just finished his doctorate, we both had bought "new" used cars the year before, and we both carried a small balance on our credit cards. Adding all these small things up we realized that in starting our marriage, we were beginning with just over 60,000 in debt, not including the home we had just purchased. I can still remember that feeling of being overwhelmed that night as we sat at the dinner table. We did know that the decisions we made then would affect the rest of our marriage and that night we decided to attack it head on. We learned methods of money management through Crown Financial Ministries (crown.org) and we set a monthly budget. That first year we set our "hit list". We listed our debt smallest to largest and began working our way down the list. We lived on one salary and devoted the second to debt. One by one we eliminated each bill. We were married October 2000, February 2002 I became pregnant, April of 2002 we became debt free. So, there we were expecting our first child, we were debt free and used to living on one income. Guess what I got to do? I became a stay at home mom.
Now, you may think that this is where the blessings end…God had much more in store. During my time at home, I loved it. I didn't want to be anywhere else than with my child. However, I also craved a little something for myself. Something was stirring. My sister, Britney, who also was at home with her first child, was feeling the same things. In a nutshell, we craved Creativity, Flexibility and the Opportunity to contribute financially to our homes. But we wanted it without sacrificing our family. We both started a home based business out of a spare bedroom selling personalized items. I was in TX and she was in GA. We quickly realized that what we craved, other women did too. This small home based business grew over the next few years and was launched as Initials, Inc. in February 2005. I was 7 ½ months pregnant with my second child. Fast forward to 2010, Initials, Inc. is now represented by women all over the country and is growing at over 300% each year. It has become more than a job; it is our ministry to support other women and families. But I realize that it started based on the decision that was made at the dining room table that first year of marriage to live debt free.
I go back to scripture – Luke 16. Parable of a Good Manager. The premise is that if you are a good manager of little, then you will be a good manager of much. When I first read this, my impression was if we PROVE to God that we are good managers then he will give us blessings. My perspective has changed. The blessings are there. God has already given them to us and put them in our path. We just have to make the right decisions to be able to receive those blessings.
So, as women controlling 80% of American spending in the home, I want to encourage you to use this time to become good managers and remove the largest problem that families face. Don't make the mistakes that others have made. Commit to debt free living. There are blessing in store for you that you can't imagine.
So Prayer, Preparation and lastly I want to mention Perspective. Ladies, we have to laugh and enjoy where we are. Motherhood is filled with humor. As difficult as motherhood can be sometimes; it is brief. When my little guy ate toilet paper it was hard to find humor in that moment for the feeling of being overwhelmed. But…it is there. I want to encourage you to laugh. Think of those that you are drawn to, those you enjoy their company, those you call when you have good news. I'll bet they are happy people. I have often wondered if Jesus had a sense of humor. All we know is that God made us in his image….and I love to laugh. There isn't specific scripture that talks of Jesus sharing his favorite Knock Knock joke, but I like to think that you can't share the Good News if you aren't happy yourself.
Sometimes, it isn't even being happy…but just positive. I think back to my Grandmother. The one I told you about earlier. She was incredibly positive. Later in life she had had a stroke and needed a wheelchair to get around. One day when she was visiting my mother she tried to stand and fell face first on the carpet. As we say in the south…it was a "pearl clinching" moment. So there she was laying face down on the carpet. My mother ran to her side and wanted to make sure she was o.k. before trying to move her. She said "MOTHER…MOTHER, are you o.k.? Talk to me!" My Grandmother replied "Yes, and I need to tell you something." After a long pause she said "You have REALLY nice carpet!" We all breathed a sigh of relief, had a good chuckle and helped her to her feet. I learned a lesson that day. How perspective can change how you look at any circumstance. Proverbs 17:22 reads, "a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." I encourage you to gain a fresh perspective on this brief period and to enjoy each day we are given with our children and our mates.
This is a fantastic time of Opportunity for you as mothers, wives and women. I want to encourage you to embrace where you are and to make a difference through Prayer, Preparation and Perspective. We can change the lives of our families and those members we will never meet. For me, the path was wife, motherhood and now business owner. My path has become my ministry, creating opportunities for women. I appreciate the opportunity to connect with you. From one juggler to another, I wish you much success in your Adventures in Motherhood.
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